Jocko, local pinnipedaler

Even the fitting room doesn't fit

Even the fitting room doesn’t fit

Healthy at every size” is Jocko’s motto.

Jocko is the head walrus at Six Flags amusement park in Vallejo, CA.

At 2,760 pounds, he knows he’ll never stuff himself into an Armani suit. His Reubenesque (or is it  Michelinian?) physique will serve him well as he undertakes the challenge of learning to ride a bike like every other six year old kid in California.

A special bicycle is being designed by bicycle  builder Charlie Cunningham, who believes that there should be no reason why legless lardbutts can’t ride.

” He’s a  framebuilder’s dream, with unique problems and proportions.   Sometimes all you need is a different kind of saddle, and some really high-rise bars” , Cunningham averred. “Jocko’s reach is not over-long.”

Chances are, the design will be a ‘ligfiets’ (Dutch for recumbent bicycle), with special brakes and tusk-receptacles to enable the neophyte biker to haul himself into the cockpit without human assistance.

No need for a bell, though: if Jocko wants to clear the path, all he has to do is whistle.

(We envision stealthy midnight runs to the deli for sardines).

Given the gregarious animal’s jovial trainability, Jocko could be cycling  by late summer (possibly in time for the Single Speed World Championship  in Durango Colorado Sept 16-20, 2009).

Alas , seafood in the Four Corners area of the southwest leaves a little to be desired. He will have to pack along several thousand pounds of shellfish for the big event. For a great read, click on this story by Natalie Angier Or this one in Neatorama.

On yer bike, Jocko…Wonder woman awaits.

~ by jacquiephelan on January 5, 2009.

4 Responses to “Jocko, local pinnipedaler”

  1. Cool to see Jocko getting a custom rig–and an SS rig at that! ;o)

    Happy New Year, Happy Trails!
    Ride One or Ride None!

  2. Apparently as the first commenter on the “Jocko” entry, I was also the first sucker in JP’s well-crafted pre-April Fools April Fools prank. So, no custom rig for Jocko, but JP told me to go ahead and shamelessly plug if it’d help me feel like less of a schmuck. Okay, I don’t feel like a schmuck, but go ahead and check out our single speed designs for shirts, hoodies, hats, etc. We’ve got a great cancer support design and even a design just for the ladies!!!

    Peace and Happy Nw Year!


    P.S. Thanks Jacquie!
    Ride One or Ride None!

  3. Please have CC also build a custom tandem with watertank trailer so that Jocko can be followed and kept competitive with a cold salt water spray. I’ll stoke and spray if you captn it

  4. I am going nuts, thinking about these remarkable doomed animals. The mothers are so protective, and so lovey dovey (See video here, if you can stomach the surrounding adverts)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: