Jacquie Phelan's Weblog

Even the fitting room doesn’t fit

“Healthy at every size” is Jocko’s motto.

Jocko is the head walrus at Six Flags amusement park in Vallejo, CA.

At 2,760 pounds, he knows he’ll never stuff himself into an Armani suit. His Reubenesque (or is it  Michelinian?) physique will serve him well as he undertakes the challenge of learning to ride a bike like every other six year old kid in California.

A special bicycle is being designed by bicycle  builder Charlie Cunningham, who believes that there should be no reason why legless lardbutts can’t ride.

” He’s a  framebuilder’s dream, with unique problems and proportions.   Sometimes all you need is a different kind of saddle, and some really high-rise bars” , Cunningham averred. “Jocko’s reach is not over-long.”

Chances are, the design will be a ‘ligfiets’ (Dutch for recumbent bicycle), with special brakes and tusk-receptacles to enable the neophyte biker to haul himself into the cockpit without human assistance.

No need for a bell, though: if Jocko wants to clear the path, all he has to do is whistle.

(We envision stealthy midnight runs to the deli for sardines).

Given the gregarious animal’s jovial trainability, Jocko could be cycling  by late summer (possibly in time for the Single Speed World Championship  in Durango Colorado Sept 16-20, 2009).

Alas , seafood in the Four Corners area of the southwest leaves a little to be desired. He will have to pack along several thousand pounds of shellfish for the big event. For a great read, click on this story by Natalie Angier Or this one in Neatorama.

On yer bike, Jocko…Wonder woman awaits.

~ by jacquiephelan on January 5, 2009.

Posted in "Mental health", Charlie Cunningham, Single Speed, water
Tags: "Diet... schmiett", "irresistably cute, "Isn't it a little early for April Fool's?", "Jocko the walrus", "obesity is not a crime", "walrus pup and mother", can you say "fiction", celebrity piniped, tragically doomed", walrus, walrus vocalisations, whistling walrus